


Deb's Angels

by Shhxstopxyelling



Category: Ocean's 8 (2018)
Genre: Crack, F/F, Nothing more, full crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:40:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27151918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shhxstopxyelling/pseuds/Shhxstopxyelling
Summary: Amita tells Lou about her dream over breakfast. Based on an L word scene
Relationships: Lou Miller/Debbie Ocean
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Deb's Angels

**Int. Lou’s Loft - Kitchen - Morning**

Lou and Amita sit eating breakfast. Amita speaks.

“I had a dream about Daphne’s movie last night; it was  _ weird.” _

“What was it?”

“You, me, and Rose were like Charlie’s Angels.”

“Who was Charlie?”

________________________________________________________

**Debbie’s Voiceover:** Once upon a time, there were three little lesbians who just hung out at a coffee shop.

Lou, Rose, and Amita materialize in a coffee shop, each with a fabulous blowout, wearing bubble-gum-pink lipgloss, and brandishing a state-of-the-art gaydar gun.

They each take a turn to dramatically and provocatively flip their hair in slow motion while demonstrating improper gun safety techniques.

**Debbie’s Voiceover:** But then, one day, a mysterious woman came in and changed their lives. And now they work for her.

**Debbie’s Voiceover:** Her name is Deb.

Tammy walks into the coffee shop. She’s dressed in a dark blue suit with a red ascot. Her hair is slicked back like that guy from Jersey Shore.

She hits a button on the landline phone that sits on the coffee table. A dial-up tone plays. Nobody says anything about her yellow tinted, coke bottle glasses.

The landline phone makes a weird chugging noise because it’s the nineties. Debs’s sonorous, and not-at-all-forced voice comes through the machine, “Good morning, lesbians.” 

“Good morning, Deb,” the lesbians gush, gathering around the phone. Tammy takes a seat. 

“Ladies,” Deb continues, “I have a new mission for you. It involves going undercover.”

“Okay, lesbians, whattaya think?” Tammy interrupts before Deb can elaborate.

Amita smacks her lips skeptically, “Sure sounds dangerous.” Rose bites her lip and nods along as Amita continues, “Are you sure it’s not going to ruin our hair?”

Deb’s voice becomes even deeper and throatier, “I promise you girls I won’t let anything happen to your hair or makeup.”

Amita and Rose swoon. Lou does not because she’s currently hitting that; and is subsequently used to Deb’s nonsense.

“Rose?” Deb asks.

“Count me in,” Rose throws her hair back flirtatiously, “Deb.”

“Well, of course, we’re in,” Lou’s accent is literally unrecognizable - simultaneously the worst and best thing you’ve heard all day. “But are you sure these gaydar guns are really gonna work?”

Suddenly, the air shifts, and Tammy pointily flips around like a bloodhound. “Well they better work because the target’s just entered the room.”

They turn. The doorway is basked in a heavenly light coming from nowhere. Enter the illustrious Daphne Kluger, frolicking like she’s in a tampon commercial. We can tell from the light surrounding her that she’s supposedly the most beautiful thing the lesbians have ever laid their eyes on.

Daphne throws her hair back with both arms, gazing dazedly upwards like she’s at the Sistine Chapel. Her mouth hangs open because that’s sexy, I guess. 

“Okay, lesbians. Go get ‘em.” Tammy says making no effort to assist. 

Lou brandishes her gun. “Come on, girls! Let’s get her!”

They Baywatch Run™ in a circle around the coffee shop because the place is too small to run in one direction. Amita’s hair blows gloriously in the wind that manifests from the sheer sexiness that she exudes. 

Rose points her gun at Daphne and hits her with a gay-ser beam. The gaydar gun dial spins, but Daphne swoops down and the raydar lands on Tammy. The screen flashes: [ Repressed bisexual ].

Daphne continues to float obliviously through the coffee shop. Lou lands her gun laser on Daphne, while Amita runs around unhelpfully in the background like a robot. 

Lou’s gun spins: [S---G---S--B---Gaight…] The machine chugs, before exploding in a cloud of smoke. [Gaight] [Gaight] [Gaight] [Error] [Error] [Error]

________________________________________________________

Lou takes a sip of her coffee. “Amita, what the fuck?”

“I dunno, babe.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yo
> 
> lmfao my brain did this 
> 
> #noregrets


End file.
